Post Two

Here is my second post. Loddy loddy la. I don't like jello or pudding. I hate all foods that have a custard like consistency. It reminds me too much of mucus, and not even my own mucus, a complete stranger's mucus. Which is far grosser than my own. Vanilla pudding is the worst because it not only feels like snot, it looks the part too. I also hate licorice. I think its made of plastic. Maybe the people who like licorice secretly want to be able to eat non-food items, and licorice is the closest food there is to an non-food item. I dislike things with too much artificial coloring. Things like Slim Jim's. I always thing that I'll look at the ingredient list and the first ingredient will be Red 5. I don't like eating things that are too salty. It feels like I'm eating food to the tenth power, like there's another food dimension I'm experiencing that I'm just not comfortable with. Those gummy candy hamburgers are yuck. They also have gummy hot dogs and pizzas. Things like that confuse my senses. I see a tiny pizza, but I'm tasting blue raspberry. Why would I want to do that? I like things that look like what they they taste like. No gummy lasagna for me, thank you. I like candies that have surprise fillings. Sometimes I'll be sucking on what I think is hard candy and then I bite into it and it has some kind of lovely taste and consistency surprise circus in the middle. I like it when that happens. A similar thing can happen with doughnuts, although the surprise is definitely not pleasant. I hate biting into what I think is a custard or jelly free pastry, and then suddenly without warning, encountering an unwanted filling. Ew. Doughnuts should just be dough and frosting. The rudimentary doughnut need no supplements to make it better. Maybe I should become a pudding Gestapo. I could barge into people's houses and riffle through their pantries looking for snack packs or powdered puddings or unnecessarily filled pastries, as they nervously cowered in their living room. If I found an offensive custard item, I would scream at them, "This is not food! This is a bodily fluid!" And then the frightened family would beg for a merciful sentence and I would give it to them because they didn't know any better.